i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
