STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
