he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
