I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
