So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You dont lie about slip and slides
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
