So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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