Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
