I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't think brook has ever known best
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So many bounce houses so little time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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