I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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