question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How does one acquire holy water?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize