his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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