dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When are your genitals available?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
