So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
