I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
