So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
