I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
