apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
