They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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