Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
