I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
