gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
