I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
