You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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