I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
