I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
