Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
