There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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