well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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