just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
