It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In America we eat man semen.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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