you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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