I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just invented taco cereal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
