Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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