I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
COCAINE IS GR8
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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