I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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