Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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