chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
BRING THE BAGELS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
