Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
