jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
