why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
