What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
