Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
