it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
