So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When did angry sex become our thing?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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