I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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