How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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