He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
