i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
