In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
