I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
