I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
