absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
