Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize