And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
