I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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