I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
