we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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