just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
