ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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