your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
