it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
