Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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