i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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