you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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