How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
