I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
