I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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