In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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