Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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