Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
