You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
