? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
