hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
