cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Randomize
