i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
