I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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