Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
