you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
