Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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