Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
