That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
