Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
