And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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