my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
