Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
